I Am Trying

I’ve had some good moments in the last little while. I’m back seeing an employment specialist, I’m going to a job fair this week, I have appointment #2 for a new chair, too. I remain very hopeful about these things

However, I’m struggling for a very different reason. I have helpers that come in to assist with daily living activities. Usually, I’m grateful for the assistance, because there are more good eggs than bad ones.

It’s been difficult to fully heal from my job loss because on a given day, 5 different people could ask how the job hunt is going. I’m aware that some people are genuinely concerned; but there are a good portion just looking for a hot piece of gossip.

By the 2nd week of losing my job ALL THE STAFF KNEW. I can change the topic with most of my helpers and discuss what I choose to. Some push, and attempt to rephrase the question if they don’t get the answer I can imagine they feel entitled to

Unfortunately, it hasn’t stopped at my job situation. I have people constantly asking whether I went outside today. Let me tell you, there is no winning. If the weather is nice and I stayed inside, Why? If I have to do something in bad weather, Oh, well you should know better than that. My life doesn’t stop just because I’m disabled. I find myself begging the universe for a job, just to get some sort of reprieve from helpers, and what can feel worse than FBI interrogation

Having a disability, I have no choice but to give up a large chunk of my privacy. I have accepted this. It doesn’t mean I choose to relinquish ALL of it

I’m struggling with the newer helpers because some pat me like a dog, some talk like I’m 5 (or like I’m not there at all), some have even referred to us generally as “these people.” I’m not sure if they think we’re lesser, but I have more education and life experience than a good portion of them would know what to do with. I by no means should have to mention my educational background to earn respect, or compare my education to anyone’s for any reason. I guess what I’m trying to say is that we’re all people.

If you stumble across this post and feel offended, ask yourself how you treat people. Perhaps, instead of asking whether someone went out, or about a personal aspect of life, ask how you can do better.

I would like to take the time to thank my good helpers. I’m very aware that this is a physically and mentally draining line of work. I appreciate your effort and compassion. This was not meant as an attack on helpers at all. Just as the job is a hard one, it can be hard to accept the help.

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